Sunday, June 16, 2013

Here I go again...

      Its obvious i have been M.I.A for awhile, over a year actually! & I have spent over two weeks trying to figure out my old email and password to this blog, today was the lucky day!!

   I have been slacking in writing in my day to day journal, so i might as well start blogging for the second time, and here i go again...

The reason for this blog is not to inform anyone of anything, or to share my life stories. it's more like my personal diary. All the feelings that I have not been able to share with those around me, not because they have no interest in what takes place in my life, but because I have difficulties sharing how I feel. When there are so many out there who have bigger problems than I do, who am I to complain about the small things? I should just be grateful for what I have and go along with my life, and this is what I have been doing. I have been keeping things, feelings and memories, locked up and have not been able to tell the people closest to me. I have always been the one that people complain & vent too, but i never wanted to burden anyone with the emotional mess going on in my head. After a while I just kept my life private and became unable to express my true feelings to anyone, including the people closest to me. I shut completely down.
my biggest fault, keeping everything bottled up inside until complete Self Destruction occurs.


Aren't we all waiting to be read by someone, praying that
they'll tell us that we make sense to them, for once?

this week i have really been questioning where my life is headed. i think we all tend to feel a little "pointless" sometimes. i want others to live because i lived. i want to inspire. i need to motivate. i want help people believe in themselves, and feel beautiful. i have big dreams. but i kind of thought by now i would be closer to having a family, and i don't even have a boyfriend. i thought id be closer to modeling and i don't even have an portfolio. I am constantly looking for my next project in life, soul searching. I am looking for the path which was paved for me, hopefully along my journey I'll run into myself and finally discover who I am suppose to be. Until then I wander... 

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