Here I go again...

      Its obvious i have been M.I.A for awhile, over a year actually! & I have spent over two weeks trying to figure out my old email and password to this blog, today was the lucky day!!

   I have been slacking in writing in my day to day journal, so i might as well start blogging for the second time, and here i go again...

The reason for this blog is not to inform anyone of anything, or to share my life stories. it's more like my personal diary. All the feelings that I have not been able to share with those around me, not because they have no interest in what takes place in my life, but because I have difficulties sharing how I feel. When there are so many out there who have bigger problems than I do, who am I to complain about the small things? I should just be grateful for what I have and go along with my life, and this is what I have been doing. I have been keeping things, feelings and memories, locked up and have not been able to tell the people closest to me. I have always been the one that people complain & vent too, but i never wanted to burden anyone with the emotional mess going on in my head. After a while I just kept my life private and became unable to express my true feelings to anyone, including the people closest to me. I shut completely down.

my biggest fault, keeping everything bottled up inside until complete Self Destruction occurs.

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Aren't we all waiting to be read by someone, praying that
they'll tell us that we make sense to them, for once?

this week i have really been questioning where my life is headed. i think we all tend to feel a little "pointless" sometimes. i want others to live because i lived. i want to inspire. i need to motivate. i want help people believe in themselves, and feel beautiful. i have big dreams. but i kind of thought by now i would be closer to having a family, and i don't even have a boyfriend. i thought id be closer to modeling and i don't even have an portfolio. I am constantly looking for my next project in life, soul searching. I am looking for the path which was paved for me, hopefully along my journey I'll run into myself and finally discover who I am suppose to be. Until then I wander...